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Addressing the "weeds" in your relationship

posted by Triune Systems    |   October 11, 2017 16:16


The issues that couples argue about are like weeds in a garden (the garden called your marriage).  If you don’t address the weeds, eventually they tend to get bigger or more difficult to manage.  Sometimes the weeds take over the garden and completely destroy it. 

Addressing the weeds before they have a chance to get too big is an important part of any relationship.  Addressing the weeds doesn’t mean making your partner think the way you do or see that you are right.  Often, it simply means communicating to your partner your perspective on the issue and communicating how you would like to approach it.  Then…listening calmly to your partner’s perspective on the issue, which will likely be different from your own. 

Two people, any two people, in a committed long-term relationship will see things differently and want different things at times.  Part of growing ourselves up is to get clear on what we ourselves think about an issue, what we want in a particular situation, and then being open and honest with our partner.  And, allowing our partner to do the same…to think through a situation in their own way, come to their own conclusions, and share those with us. 

Communication isn’t about trying to win an argument, be “right,” or control your partner.  It’s about thinking through an issue and then openly and honestly letting your partner know what you are thinking.  And, risking hearing that your partner might have different thoughts or wants on the subject. 

Open and honest communication involves the risk that you may see that your partner is different from you and possibly wants some different things.  But, that is the reality of any long-term relationship. 


It’s usually better to address the weeds, even if you and your partner never agree about that specific topic.  Addressing the weeds by simply being clear with each other about how you are thinking and what you are wanting is sometimes all it takes to prevent the weeds from taking over the garden. 


Relationship Skills